Skyrim
For all its faults I had a pretty big soft spot for Morrowind,
the game that was the precursor to Skyrim and recently celebrated its 10 year anniversary,
presumably with some Nords over a bottle of mead and a Mudcrab pie.
The combat might have been about as satisfying as wanking yourself
off to an episode of Footballers Wives but at its heart it gave a masterclass
in immersive gameplay.
You begin the game with no memory or past and are thrust into
the middle of a large imaginative world and left alone to discover the
creatures, the peaceful fishing villages and the plague ravaged towns.
Skyrim by comparison has a dramatically improved combat
system but fails to be anything like the same immersive experience. While technically an open-world game you are
never really taken off the leash and allowed to explore it.
First of all you spend the entire game being told to go somewhere which
makes your character feel like something of a gimp.
To make things slightly more annoying while you are 'exploring' you
will see several hundred little indicators appear on your compass all
clamouring for your attention and shouting:
“Walk this way! There’s something of minor
interest over here!”
It’s rather tiring.
In fact the game more accurately replicates the subtle
stresses of doing the Christmas shopping as opposed to the wonder of discovering
an imaginative fantasy world.
And once the gameplay becomes established as
walking to your destination knowing that little else of interest is going to
appear because your compass isn’t telling you anything then the game becomes largely about staring at your compass.
See that interesting looking abandoned hut up on the hill
over there? Yes. Is it marked on the compass? No. Well
in that case it’s empty. Move on.
And just remind me how in a fantasy world my compass is telling
me all this anyway? Is it hooked up to
my I-phone or something?
Why am I carrying this wooden shield and club again?
To top it all off the quests in Skyrim are just fucking
tedious.
You will for example, be expected to travel to the other
side of the map to drop off a pie for someone to eat for their dinner. I can’t remember if that specific quest was
in there but it is a measure of the game’s blandness that I suspect nobody
who’s played the game would either.
If I wanted to simulatenously experience mundanity and
altruism then I could just ring my friends and ask if they want anything from
the supermarket. (You don’t have any friends yes I do shut up).
Playing Morrowind I spent the entire game trying to work out
who I was and what the hell was going on.
As this mirrors my attitude towards reality I rather came to
empathise with my on screen avatar.
Skyrim by comparison constantly waves its disjointed, dull and
uninspired storylines in your face like they’re manuscripts from Dostoevsky,
initially by thrusting you into the execution of a rebel leader, a civil war
between two slightly different types of cunts and a returning race of dragons
before you’ve even picked up the gamepad.
What’s wrong with a bit of foreplay? Maybe I want to build up to my orgasm rather
than just do an orgasm right now.
You know?
Now hold me as I play this.
Do I go right or left here? It
doesn’t matter. Oh that’s nice. Wow what’s that up there? It’s a church! I wonder what’s in there?
Yes okay Morrowind that’s lovely thanks but I’ve got to try
Skyrim now – its jumping up and down shouting about how it’s got 200 churches I
can see at any one time.
