The Metropolitan Police have confirmed that they have arrested every male television personality who appeared on the BBC television network in the 1970s. Following the arrests of Jim Davidson, Freddie Starr and Rolf Harris a police spokesperson confirmed the Metropolitan Police had decided this action was ‘in the best interests of public safety and a necessity in light of recent police spending cuts’.
"Quite frankly there are only thirty police officers currently operating in the London area at the moment," Mr Potts said. "And twenty of those are actually prisoners wearing police hats serving community sentences".
Experts now believe that child sex offences were so endemic at the corporation that it is highly unlikely that anyone who entered Television Centre in the 1970s could have avoided being affected.
Pyschoanalyst Georgina Weave explains. "Abuse at this level travels much like the common cold. It seems very unlikely that someone could have been present at the BBC in the 1970s and not have been infected by this disease."
Police arrests began last night as part of what is now being dubbed Operation Rhododendron Bush with Gonzo, the Honey Monster, Bungle and Uncle Bulgaria believed to be amongst those taken into custody. A warrant has also been issued for the arrest of Lassie, whose whereabouts are currently unknown but is considered a serious menace to the public.
“Lassie is of particular concern to us,” Mr Potts said, “it is now clear to us that her seemingly noble aid relating to the rescue of young people who had found themselves in unfortunate situations was merely an intricate series of fabrications. Quite frankly with hindsight it now appears an obvious pattern of abuse. We just thought she was a good dog.”